Taking that first dip........
'LOVE THY BEAVER' by Alex O'Halloran
Essentially beavers are cute, hard working, industrious and soft to touch. Like our very own beaver it hibernates in winter, emerging in it's full furry glory to say, "hello summer!"
With February here and our summer in full swing, most of us have had the pleasure of exposing our bods to public view and swimming, however, tragically - I am yet to have a dip!
Yes......I have every excuse in the book, including that I've been really busy, but if I'm completely honest, I'd rather go to jail than get a bikini wax!
Maybe those silly people who get really drunk and tattoo their bodies aren't that silly ? - maybe they have the right idea! No brain - no pain! On the next big night out when the drinks are flowing - just book in for the overdue wax job?
Ashamed at my own reflection and aware of how late into summer it is, I finally bit the bullet and made my waxing appointment. The mere thought of it almost brings on an allergic rash. Lets be honest........the only place hot wax should go is on the duco of a car!
We all know a waxing session involves the gruelling torture of eliminating every hair that God gave us in areas that ideally should be left untouched with an 'out of bounds sign to wax pots'.
As I enter the glamorous 'house of wax', I'm greeted by a smiling beauty therapist who's obviously been brain washed by the notion that waxing ones flesh is perfectly natural and what's worse, a pleasant experience. She hands over the ridiculous paper knickers as I strip off avoiding looking down at my winter growth. Feeling like a mountain yeti, I knew that my beaver, shag pile, rug or whatever name you wanna call it..........had to go!
Brazilian or standard, she asks? Standard please and a stiff drink too! Like a contortionist, my legs are wrapped around my head as she rips out every hair follicle I've ever owned and grown!
After 20 minutes of barbaric torture and recovering from shock, I couldn't decide whether I looked like a stripper from a Bangkok girlie bar or a hairless lab rat. Either way, I was horrified, naked looking and very breezy - down there!
Feeling slightly violated but happy with the thought of being able to hit the beach in a bikini instead of a full length rash suit, I ask you.............is the pain worth it?
I guess the choice is ours...........is it lab rat or yeti?
Perhaps the answer is simple........in your next life, come back as a man! But then again, some men do go for the 'BACK, CRACK & SACK wax'!