DECEMBER - tweet talk

'TROUBLE with PMT' - by alex o'halloran

What is PMT?

Does PMT turn you into the green eyed monster each month? Is it just a cop out for women to be horrible to the poor victims who are game enough to cross our paths? You hate the world and you haven't even said,"hello"!

At school my girlfriends sat around talking about it all the time boring me senseless. To me it was something that I just couldn't identify with because PMT didn't exist in my world. I used to believe that it was nothing more than a girl's excuse for a whinge, but now I know that it wasn't just a figment of their imagination.

My sister Danielle turned to me the other day and said,"Hey you weren't a bitch this month".And she was right! Don't you love how only a sister could say that!

Yes...............I admit, I experience the odd day or two each month where the build up to "that time" has it's repercussions.The freak show moves into my body without an official invite and like a bad case of tourettes syndrome,unpredictable anythings can come spilling out of my mouth. I become clumsy, flustered and irritated by ABSOLUTELY everything and EVERYTHING I put on feels tight. Miraculously my ass appears to have grown over night! 'Hello Serena Williams - the bubble butt' You know you're being an absolute troll to everyone around you - but don't they all know I have PMT!

My family see the signs straight away.I guess because they know me so well. It's then that the "tutting" sound starts.Weird I know, but it's something I have done for as long as I can remember. It's a stupid noise I make with my mouth that to those who know me shouts,"BEWARE - my tolerance is zero and I'm pissed off".The thing is, I know I'm doing it, but I can't stop! That's when I know it's time to retreat somewhere quiet with a pile of mags and a 'do not disturb sign'...................and then there's the cravings. Like a bear set free at a lonely picnic site, the pig out begins. A large packet of twisties is always a winner with me, so my hardest decision is whether to go savoury or sweet. Sound familiar?

Now I know I may sound a little neurotic, but after catching up with a friend for a coffee recently I now feel so much better. I asked her if she suffers from the monthly monster and she looked at me and simply said, "Hell no, I don't get PMT, I'm just a bitch all the time!"

We might hate PMT and all the tit bits that go with it - but no matter how much you're hating the world that day or how 'crapola' you feel - you know your girlfriends will just get it!